Helene's Blog

Dizzy, Let Go. Tightness in chest. Deep belly breath in, Now slowly exhale, Breathe. Feet throbbing loud, Then beating soft. Uncomfortable body sensations taking control. Go deep within, And try to relax. Look about you. Breathe. Sounds of bugs swarming. Ocean waves warming. Butterflies flittering. Dragonflies glittering. Fragrance of Honeysuckle floating about. A Magical Kingdom By the Sea Be Lost In, Be One With, The Power of Now. Throat once again closing, Panic returning, Waves keep pounding. Reggae music sounding, Calming me down. Breathe. It feels like eternity. But, I know I’ll be Fine. It’s Past, and I yawn with a sigh. It’s Over. I’m Tired. A Hero Am I. I’ve Faced the Great Beast with a Yielding Grace, As I listen to children’s laughter and crying. Wind blowing over my fair freckled skin, Fear, Anxiety, Settles in. Where is my Body? Where is my Mind? Sit Up, and Breathe. Get a grip of yourself. The Waves of Fear in the Sea of the Now, The Place in my Back, It’s sore and it’s out. I’ve got to go through this alone, By myself. Painful perhaps, But, peace will win out. It’s okay to feel panic, It’s okay to Be. And when It is over, I shall simple Be, Right in the Now, I’m finally Free. Exhaused, but lucky to Know that I’m Me.

New York has some of the best drinking water in the world. New York has some of the most beautiful beaches and swimable water in the world. “Let’s not frack it up!” Our country is in the midst of an unprecedented gas drilling boom, a process called hydraulic fracturing or fracking. Fracking is a dangerous energy strategy for getting oil and gas. Fracking, that is, drilling to access deep shale formations, requires millions of gallons of fresh water, acres of land per well pad, and the use of undisclosed toxic chemicals. Fracking is poisoning our air and water and its jeopardizing the health of millions of Americans. We can find a better way – one that protects our health and gives us clean, safe energy sources that never run out. We are being lied to just like we were lied to with regards to the development of the nuclear industry. The scientific facts have shown that just like the nuclear industry, this new technology isn’t safe; isn’t regulated properly; isn’t protecting people; isn’t cheap; and isn’t handling the waste properly. The technology of fracking is being forced upon the people of America as the new technology that will answer all our energy needs. What they aren’t telling us, however, is that this new industry is denying problems, just like the nuclear industry. Fracking and its impact on public health, in particular, our children’s health, is a serious issue that calls for swift action – action that the gas industry has repeatedly tried to block. As I write this, in the State of New York, the industry is fighting against a legislative proposal for a public health impact assessment which hundreds of medical professions have joined community activists and environmentalists in supporting. The frackers can spin the issue all they want, but the public isn’t buying it.  Fracking has been associated with many health issues. In the Dallas-Fort Worth region of Texas, the latest estimates of air emissions tell us that oil and gas operation emit more smog-causing volatile organic compounds (VOCs) than all cars, trucks, buses, and other mobile sources in the area combined. Ozone, a corrosive gas that can exacerbate asthma and other respiratory diseases, is created when VOCs like petroleum hydrocarbons mix with heat and sunlight. In Texas, it has been found that “children in the Barnett Shale region ages 6-9 are three times more likely to have asthma that the average for that age group in the entire State of Texas.” The Texas Commission of Environmental Quality (TCEQ) found many gas fields with extremely high levels of benzene. According to a 2012 study done by the Colorado School of Public Health, cancer risks were 66% higher for residents living less than half a mile from oil and gas wells than for those living farther away, with benzene being the major contributor to the increased risk. This same study reminds us that chronic exposure to ozone, prevalent at gas production sites, can lead to asthma and pulmonary diseases, particularly in children and the aged. In 2011, a Duke University study proved that drinking water wells near fracking sites had 17 times more methane than wells not located near fracking. Fracking operations have generated billions of gallons of radiation-laced toxic wastewater that we can’t manage properly and have forced families to abandon their homes because of dangerous levels of arsenic, benzene, and toluene in their blood. The State of Vermont has taken a stand to become the first state to ban fracking. Former Governor Paterson put a temporary ban on the process, but once again the industry has reared its head and is being considered for use in various parts of the State of New York. We all need to urge Governor Andrew Cuomo and our elected officials to take advantage of the opportunity to slow down this process and pass  legislation that will protect New Yorker’s health, safety, and environment. Last year, my husband and I visited various places along the coast of California. We took long walks on several of its beaches. There were times that the air smelled so badly, that we had to go inside. What was the smell? Oil. As we sat on the beach, we stared out at the oil rigs. When we got back to our hotel room, our sneakers were covered in tar and oil. The top layer of the ocean had an oil slick on it. Surfers came out of the water with tar all over their wetsuits. I don’t think we want that in New York. It’s bad enough that private industry and the government have already ruined many beautiful places in our country. Let’s not let it happen here. New Yorkers don’t want fracking here!

I remember the day I wrote this poem. It was one of those crazy days when you never seem to have enough time to get everything done. Our school had an afternoon assemby and I recall having to switch up some of my lesson plans since a few of my classes were going to be cancelled. The poem was based on a presentation by Jesse Billauer, the founder of, “Life Rolls On.”  Jesse is a motivational speaker who shares his experiences of being a pro-surfer, having a surfing accident, and becoming permanently paralyzed from his waist down.  He travels around the United States with his Dad and shares his story. Jesse’s presentation involved the students in such a way that it made me write this poem.  Jesse had asked each of us to close our eyes, envision a blank screen, and create images on that screen that would involve our dreams.  He dreamed that even though he was paralyzed he would someday be able to surf again.  After a long healing process, Jesse’s dream did come true and he does surf with the help of his fellow surfers. DREAMLESS Staring fixedly, gazing out toward the sea, I wondered what dreams I thought I might see. A blank screen appeared, not a picture popped up, I wondered why and instantly stopped. I shut down my brain, and felt sort of sad, I guess to be dreamless was basically bad. Then as I sat there, feeling quite blue, A voice from within me whispered a truth: “It’s ok to be dreamless, there’s no need for shame, Don’t you realize your dreams have already been made? It’s time once again to create and be brave, Fill up that blank screen with new hopes and new dreams, Sit back and relax as the Universe deems. Acknowledge the agreement that your willing is done, Behold, Be grateful, the magic’s begun. Be prepared for a miracle, This must be known. And when the time’s right, Your path shall be shown.”

Larry Penny, East Hampton Star’s nature columnist, me, and Gail Parker, former principal of East Hampton Middle School, posed for a picture taken by my son, Michael. My son, Ben, took this picture of my husband Jack and me at the end of the book launch day. We were in a great zone! Walt Disney once said, “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” On November 11th, at the Baker House-1650, I held my first book launch for my debut, YA novel, The Journey of Hannah Woods. Days leading up to the event were nerve racking; there was the food to take care of, and the pastries to order, and the invitations to send out. And then the day came, and it all ran so smoothly, thanks to the help of my friend, Kathy McCormack. I had done it; I had done the impossible and I had had fun doing it. The event was a success. It was casually elegant, attended by many of my most cherished friends. Everyone loved the appetizers prepared by Dreesens and the pastries and cookies baked by Breadzilla. The word was out; my book was live. It’s now two weeks since the book launch and I’ve been receiving many wonderful congrats and well wishes and kudos. My fears were uncalled for. The story rings true, the tension drives the plot, and the characters are three-dimentional. My friend, Linda Fuller, a retired English teacher, said, the characters in The Journey of Hannah Woods “mean something to the reader; they plunge into the reader’s psyche and allow the reader to live inside their world.”  She went on to say, “Your voice came out loud and clear. The structure was there, the characters drawn lovingly, but it was the dialogue I most admired. The back and forth between Dr. Hope and Hannah seemed so realistic. I think children could gain a lot from this story.” The editor I worked with, Cindy Kane, the editor for Richard Peck’s two Newbery award winning novels, was a master teacher and editor. I spent one year of my life crafting this tale about fourteen-year old Hannah Woods who suffers from panic attacks. Overmedicated by a family who has a secret, Hannah lives in a world full of anxiety and fear. This is her story; her journey from the depths of Black Hollow’s darkness, the wealthy old-money town where she grew up, to the light of Crystal Cove and the world of her hippie grandparents. As the story opens, Hannah Woods, haunted by the neglect of an alcoholic father and the abuse of a mentally ill caretaker, is plunged into a nightmare that threatens her very existence. After her father drowns, Hannah’s world spirals out of control as she is forced to move to the other side of the island where her newly discovered hippie grandparents live. Hannah suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is addicted to prescription drugs; drugs given to her for anxiety and depression; drugs given to her to keep her silent. Her heroic journey begins the moment she enters the world of Crystal Cove where she struggles to navigate the emotional world of adolescence and addiction. With the help of her Grandma Pearl and her Grandpa Hollis, the talents of a remarkable therapist, Dr. Katherine Hope, and a new best friend, Emma Matthews, Hannah discovers her amazing self. The evolution of Hannah’s character will empower both teens and adults who find themselves addicted to drugs or who have experienced the devastating effects of physical, emotional, and/or psychological abuse and neglect. The response to the story has been overwhelmingly positive. It’s a layered story that seems to touch a wide variety of people. One of my friends shared with me that after finishing the book she thought it was truly, “amazing! A must read for all teenagers and adults who suffer with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and panic attacks.” I hope everyone who follows this blog will invite Hannah into their homes so they can experience the difficulties encountered by people who suffer from PTSD. Then, with time, tolerance  will grow, and people will be more patient with each other. And then, as Steven Kellogg once said, “If everyone had the same dream, it might come true. A PEACEABLE KINGDOM.”